Fantasy News and Notes: Week Nine

Casey Cannon
June 04, 2008

Hello and Welcome to the Hunt Park Insider Fantasy Guide - now every reader can get a full color glossy photo and autograph for only ten dollars! Every week I dig through statistics, news, and rumors to provide the reader with the kind of fantasy advice that only a u5 coach appalled by the other team playing an eight year old can provide. I write this Monday night before the official injury reports come out, so don't be grumpy if I tell you to pick a hurt player. For information on MLS Fantasy Football go to http://fantasy.mlsnet.com/.

This week I will start with some soccer, drift a bit, and get back to giving solid advice. Of course it has been a while since I gave solid advice. The international schedule screwed me. I gave horrible advice, in fact, even the advice that worked out really well was flawed. Lets just say I went 0/6 last week and move on. The first thing to do before picking players is try to figure out where the hell the players will be on game day. Good freakin luck. Between players who should be out of the country starting for their club teams, random childbirths, pulled groins, and assistant coaches getting red cards, last week was a total crap shoot.

One other example from our upside down weekend is a storied franchise that will definitely be under scrutiny for its appalling lack of morals and sportsmanship. A black mark that mar's the team reputation and besmirches the entire sport. Yes, I am talking about the Finding Nemo's of the U5 Division in Gahanna. Somehow, their coach thought is was OK to have a truly gifted eight year old play for their team. So the big kid scored 13 goals. How do I know exactly how many goals this kid scored? Because his trash parents were paying him a dollar for every goal he scored against the opposing 4 and 5 yr olds. The scandal enveloping the storied Nemo's organization will put a taint on their accomplishments (mostly standing around watching the big kid take the ball from the other team and score) for all time. I am not making this up. Watching the game I was temped to pull a Warzycha or tell a kid to do his best O'Rourke impression. If you know people involved in this kind of nonsense try to talk some sense into them. Its idiots like this who make our community look bad.

Why do I have the moral high ground? What makes me so superior to these slack jawed, cheating, flare throwing, social security abusing idiots? Because my family is the family face of the Columbus Crew. Open a copy of Columbus Parent to the middle page.

See the big yellow add? See the kid on my shoulders? Yup that's me in my Oughton Jersey and my boy.

Right there are some classic American Values. Like I said at the opening, I will sign autographs at the game. My reader can take that opportunity to thank me for my excellent picks this week.

Take Three - DC United. They play two games this week, one against Houston. Not too long ago DC v Dynamo would be a game played for hardware, or top of the table standing. Now they are playing to save their season and jobs. Just don't get too enamored by DC, they are gonna get spanked by Chicago

Take Three - Chicago. They are rested, at home against a possibly tired DC United. Take a look at this chart, for those of you to lazy to click or comprehend, this excellent table says that Chicago will throttle DC. (thanks to Foosinho for the serious math and effort these kinds of reports involve.)

Avoid - San Jose. Reasons to avoid San Jose this week: 1) they lost to RSL. 2) RSL lost badly to the Crew. 3) The Earthquakes are traveling to Columbus. 4) Western vs Eastern team. 5) Expansion team 6) Adam Moffat is pissed he is behind Grabavoy on the fantasy Spreadsheet. Look for Moffat to push for the Value slot in future weeks.

Captain - Jon Busch. Busch and McBride together in the Midwest? I might have to check to see if I own a red shit. Bush only has one game this, but is expected to earn the most points this week and is not in any international pool. Oh yeah, he is dirt cheap

Value - Robbie Rogers. Last week the speedy Findley burned San Jose. Last time the played Rogers put two on San Jose. Does my reader think that Rogers will do it again? The spreadsheet does. Only a couple of goalies can beat his amazing dollar to point ratio of $19,444.

Overpriced - Justin Mapp. He is the 64th field player on the spread sheet and plays for Chicago. Yet, each point he earns costs $121,000. There are five field players for Chicago who are better choices.

Stop by next week when I discuss all the ways Brian McBride is screwing Columbus.


Casey Cannon
Section 135
Columbus Crew Stadium
Cannon_Casey"at"hotmail.com